Clients will be clients

Published 8 January 2022

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Different situations

I’m from Germany, I live and work in the Netherlands, and I have been a sex worker for 22 years. I know many different sides of the industry. A difficult situation, and running with the wrong crowd meant I started out working for pimps. Together with other girls we worked in different countries in different places: clubs, streets, behind the windows. Eventually I fled and traveled to the Netherlands, and I’ve been here 15 years. I work as a dominatrix, have my life in order, and I’m happy. Over the years I’ve met countless clients in many different circumstances, and I’ve learned many different ways to set boundaries.

The client

We all know him. This client comes by regularly and always spends the same amount of money for the same amount of time. But clients are only human. Sometimes everything goes to plan and within the allotted time, but then there’s days when it’s more difficult, leading to overtime. If he gets used to the extra time, things can get annoying. He doesn’t realise that extra time causes you to be late for other bookings, or that you might have to cancel bookings because of his extended session. It’s a loss of money and energy. But you also want your client to leave happy and satisfied, and to return.

Discussing boundaries

Best practice is to discuss the situation in a way that doesn’t cause defensiveness in a client. Communicate your wishes and boundaries early on in order to avoid misunderstandings and irritation.

Before

Always confirm the start and end time of a booking with the client. Tell him he can extend if you don’t have other appointments afterwards, and inform him what the extra time would cost. At the start of a session, you can set an alarm that rings ten minutes before time is up. If a client gives you pushback about this, you can say that you like to keep your focus on him rather than constantly checking the clock.

During

Does the end of the session still seem a ways off when time’s nearly up? Use a firm but friendly tone, like a schoolteacher reprimanding a child for not sharing their candy. With the right tone you can communicate your boundaries without ruining the atmosphere. If the session has already run over, stop what you’re doing and ask him if there’s anything else he’d like to try, for example his favourite sex position that is sure to get him there. Once you have his attention, you can explain how much extra time and money this will take. Try to avoid talking about extra charges in retrospect, these conversations can be difficult and he is more likely to comply if you’ve informed him beforehand.

If you really need to end on time, it’s always nice for him to hear: ‘I was having so much fun that I completely lost track of time. I hate having to end things now but at least I’ll have something to fantasise about for next time.’ It’s also helpful to think of a couple of mundane excuses in advance, like having to walk your dog or getting to a performance in time. This helps to bring him back to the here and now.

After

Did you give him some extra time after all? Then make a comment to signal that this is not how it usually goes: ‘Ah so strange, usually I’m not that bad at keeping time.’ If he wants to book you again you can say: ‘Last time we had so much fun that I was too late for my next appointment, so we better keep a better eye on the time.’ And of course you can advise him to book more time, because clearly the last appointment didn’t last long enough!

Mutual trust

In the end it’s about the bigger picture, where you both stick to what you’ve agreed upon. The client trusts that you show up to the appointment, and this trust needs to be mutual. Time plays an important role here. A client who shows up for nothing, because your previous appointment took too long, will not do you any good. It’s therefore important that we take responsibility for this. Not just for the client but for us too, and respecting the value of our own time. So communicate your boundaries and wishes well, be transparent, and stand up for yourself. This is how you can avoid misunderstandings, problems, and irritation.

Photo by Red Insight.

Annie Mouse

I am an SM Mistress, and I have been working in a BDSM club for around ten years. I live in the Netherlands, and I come from Germany. I have also worked as an escort, behind the windows in Amsterdam.